Mom's Day

Last month, after watching the solar eclipse (at 100%) from a hillside overlooking the Finger Lakes in Western, New York, my nephew asked his girlfriend to marry him. When they packed up their picnic and headed back home to share the news, their first stop was to tell his grandma, my sisters, and me. We had gathered for the eclipse and were playing canasta at the kitchen table. 

Timmy and Kate were glowing with innocent hopeful looks that an engagement proposal evokes. My sisters and I were touched to be the firsts to hear the news.  Though thankful to be together to celebrate, one person was missing - the one woman Timmy wanted to tell the most wasn’t there:  His mom.

Mary Beth left us at 47 years old just after Timmy turned 19.  That was 16 years ago and though we’ve grown accustomed to her absence, the loss is accentuated in such moments.  My four sisters and I try to fill in as mom, aunt, and grandma to Mary Beth’s children and grandchildren.  We try to fulfill that sacred honor of keeping a loved one’s memory alive. We offer the advice, love, and support that our eldest sister so willingly and naturally dispersed but we know we are not her.  We know that her absence is never filled and their hurt never heals.  Their mom remains gone.

Mother’s Day is often a painful reminder of loss and Hallmark and TikTok ads only add to that.  As women joyously celebrate their role as mothers with their children, the day can evoke such sadness. For once again, we mourn the loss of a mother, grandmother, sister, or aunt.  We miss their presence and the friendships we shared while they were with us. 

In addition to being their mom,  Mary Beth became her children's loving and supportive friend as they neared adulthood. Through relationships with friends and family Mary Beth, like many wonderful mothers who have left us, showed us the power of friendship.

St. Francis de Sales wrote very little about his mother but he did communicate extensively on friendship.  He reminds us that in death, friendships can remain strong. St. Francis wrote to his dearest friend, St. Jane de Chantal: “Never will it be possible for anything to separate me from your soul: our bond is too strong. Death itself would be incapable of undoing it.” 

Thus, we are forever connected to the moms who have gone before us with an unbreakable bond.   Like Francis, we are called to tell others of this bond, to remind them that mothers who have left this earth remain here with us.  They share our joy and our excitement on engagement days, wedding days, Hallmark holidays, and every day in between.

And so, amid the flowers, brunches, Masses, and gifts this Mother’s Day, let us remember, and help the children and grandchildren remember, the great truth our patron taught us -  death itself would be incapable of undoing our bond.

Paula M. Riley

Communications Consultant