Respect

Sep 25

You might be familiar with the song that Aretha Franklin made popular in the late 1960s and 1970s, “Respect.” Part of the lyrics are:

“R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find out what it means to me. R-E-S-P-E-C-T… I got to have (just a little bit). A little respect (just a little bit).” © Cotillion Music, 1967.

These lyrics have been on my mind much recently because it seems we have lost the art of showing respect to someone when we disagree with them. Our founder, Bl. Louis Brisson, OSFS, put it this way: “Respect must permeate our bearing at every moment: respect towards boys, girls, men, and women. Then we will be everywhere what God wants us to be.” (Chapter 1888: 39)

I spent a year on the Pine Ridge Reservation of the Lakota Sioux in South Dakota. I taught Religion and Music, drove a school bus, and worked our weekly Bingo Game for people to win prizes of food and clothing. Early in the semester, Richard, a sixth grader, raised his hand and asked me: “Paul, do you try to speak like us because you’re trying to get to know us or because you want to make fun of us?” It was a very insightful question. I responded, “Oh, Richard, I would never try to make fun of you. I respect you too much to do that.” He turned around to his peers and said, “He’s OK. Let’s work with him.” That was an important lesson for me about the need for showing respect to others.

When I was a teenager, my grandfather and I were having a heated discussion. I had not shown him the respect he deserved and expected. He said to me, “Be careful boy. You don’t speak to me in that tone.” That stopped me cold in our discussion because the last thing I wanted to do was disrespect him. I can still picture the two of us in our living room and how it made me feel. It changed the tone of the discussion. That was the first step in repairing the relationship that I had threatened by my disrespect. That was another important lesson for me about the need for showing respect to others and the damage that showing disrespect can do.

A little respect goes a long way. Much respect goes even longer and is what Aretha called for in her song. Fr. Brisson connected respect with doing God’s Will. When we show respect to a person “we will be everywhere what God wants us to be.” But that’s not always easy, is it? And yet, when we show respect, even to someone who is disrespecting us, when we remember not to speak to someone in that disrespectful tone, healing can come, common ground can be discovered, and we can take a discussion and a relationship to a new level.

Sometimes we need the insight of a student like Richard and ask the hard questions. At others we need the directness of my grandfather to put a discussion on hold and give us time to reflect on what we are doing and how we are dong it. At all times we need to let “respect…permeate our bearing at every moment.” No matter what we think of another person, she or he is a child of God, like we are. Whether they show us respect or not, it’s up to us to “Let us always be polite. Let us give everyone great respect because the proper respect for our neighbor is the basic rule of love.” Maybe “R-E-S-P-E-C-T” can be the ear worm that reminds you and me to live Bl. Louis’ words during this election season, and at all times.